As I mentioned in my last post, for me mindset has been everything in my pregnancy. I've really tried to keep upbeat and positive every step of the way.
However I have noticed in my third trimester it can be difficult not to have your anxious moments. So I'm not going to pretend it's all plain sailing and I'm a happy clappy preggy all the time.
Yes you are tired in the last trimester. I can barely keep my eyes open come 10pm, my hips hurt and I can't get off the sofa without army rolling off or Jim pushing me from my bum. My belly button is visible in most clothes I wear and my tummy feels massive and tight. It's not the most attractive sight but it feels weird and wonderful in every way and luckily I can see the funny side, especially when Jim has to push me up from my behind. I now know what a beached whale feels like!
My bump is growing bigger and bigger each day to the point where I think surely it can't grow anymore. I’m now in the final stretch and the end is in sight, and with this the enormity of the situation is hitting home and my wave of emotions are coming with it.
Now If I see a newborn baby I cry. I feel so emotional that my baby is nearly here. I desperately want to be a good mum and when I imagine our little family I also cry because I'm so happy and lucky to have in my eyes, our perfect little family unit.
I've had morbid thoughts which also make me cry a lot, wondering what Jim would do if anything were to happen to me and/or our baby. My friend went mad when I told her so I've since tried to eliminated these from my mind because I am being ridiculous and there are some things that are really not worth troubling over and that's definitely one.
Leaving work made me feel excited but also slightly anxious. Is that it for my career now? I feel I'm stepping into the unknown. Not knowing how long I will be off work for but thinking it's going to be wonderful. So why does every man and their dog tell me how exhausted I'm going to be, that I'm not going to know my arse from my elbow and that work is so much easier. I smile back politely but really in my head I'm thinking piss off with your neggy vibes.
I understand my life is going to change. I will most likely not be able to do all the things I want to do. I’ve already had to say no to a friends wedding and most hen do’s, weekends away and Glastonbury next year. Sometimes I don’t mind about this but then other times I’m green with envy and can’t believe how much everything will change. It really isn’t about me any more!
Time with Jim feels more precious than ever which is sad in a way but we keep telling ourselves that our lives will only be richer. Together we have created a being which is now our one. This baby has chosen us to teach them everything we can possibly teach, good and bad, to make them into incredible human beings. A job which no parent will take on lightly so I’m hoping these anxious feelings are normal and all just part and parcel of the 9 month journey to meet our little fella who will be joining us so soon.